Look A Little Deeper
by InOtherWords13
Summary: You always see the good girl and the bad boy fall in love. But you hardly ever see the girl just released from a mental hospital fall for the guy recently released from juvenile detention. And it's hard to judge somebody, when you're learning they're not who they appear to be. Maybe you should look a little deeper. Rated T and M.
1. Chapter One

_**Hello. I am responsible for such a story like this. Enjoy! :)**_

_**I hope you love it, but if you hate it, tell me (nicely) what I need to work on.**_

_**Oh yeah, leave those reviews, I love them! Follow, favorite, vote... oh wait, this isn't Wattpad... but read, follow, favorite, support me please... Okay, I sound desperate. Like, -my sister trying to find a homecoming date- desperate. But enough about my life, let's get on with the story.**_

_**One more thing: Kind of like 'Thirteen Reasons Why' by Jay Asher. Only the relationship part, not the suicide part, sort of. If you read that amazing story, which I recommend you do, it's awesome, and *sigh ( a relieved sigh that I'm done talking) * that's it.**_

_**Oh, I lied... whoops... I own none of this! Just the plot! Ahaha! And the characters since they're pretty much vice versa their characters on the show. Okay, I'll shut up!**_

_**HALFWAY EDITED, TELL ME IF YOU SPOT A MISTAKE**_

* * *

It was freshman year. The first year of high school. The year I was going to be someone new. Someone I had never been. A fresh start. But that didn't happen. I didn't get what I had desired. In fact, I lost a few things. Like respect. And friends. Let's go back to it, shall we?

* * *

_For freshman year, I went all out. Instead of my usual ponytail, I had it down. Instead of the "farmer" clothes, I had made Forever 21 my closet._

_That image I was trying to make was simple: to not be nerdy. I just wanted to be popular. Hell, I wanted to win the heart of Kyle Jacobs. I just wanted to change myself. But instead of changing my outwards self, I changed my inwards self._

_I had heard that a party was being thrown that night. I wasn't invited. And the number one way to get invited, was to talk to Cassidy. I hadn't bothered to remember her last name. It was one thing other thoughts threw out._

_During lunch, I sat down at Cassidy's table. It was occupied by her, Kira Starr, and other girls I had never seen in my life._

_"Hi." I say. Cassidy glared at me and continued talking to her possy. _

_There are eight steps to making a popular girl like you._

_One: Make your presence known._

_Two: Show her she doesn't scare you (even if she does; I was scared for my life)_

_Three: Do something that she asks you_

_Four: Insult one of her friends or exclude them. Get rid of them if you have to!_

_Five: Have a sleepover with her_

_Six: Become her follower_

_Seven: Become her fucking leader_

_Eight: She'll love you!_

_Now, I didn't have time to do the sleepover one, so I went with one, two, three, four, six, seven, and eight. I was on my way. But first, I had number one: making my presence known._

_Usually, it's in a way that shows you're badass. And I had just the way to go. I got up and poured by milk by the nearest person besides Cassidy or her possy. Trish De La Rosa. My friend, but I was going to explain to her later. Cassidy rooted._

_"Ha. Wow. She got the fat girl."_

_I sat back down. Trish wasn't even fat. She was thick. Big boned, maybe? But not fat. That aggravated me. So, I went with step number two, in a different way._

_"You can talk. I can see the flab on your arms. She may be fat, but you're no oil painting yourself." Sorry, Trish._

_Cassidy looked angry. "What are you doing at my table?!" she snaps._

_"Nothing. I hear there's a party and-" _

_"You're not invited! Not in a million years, dork. Nice try." Kira cuts me off._

_Cassidy smirks. "Girls. Let's talk." Her and her possy start whispering and then are finished._

_"You're invited." Cassidy tells me. Wow. That easy?_

_"Great." I say._

_"If... you go tell Kyle I like him. He needs to be my date, obviously." No problem._

_But tell Kyle she likes him? What was this? Sixth grade? We all knew it was grade nine, but I was surprised most of them even made it to high school. What a shock._

_"I'll do it. Plus, I'll buy some beer." Why in the hell did I say that?_

_"Awesome. If you do both of those things, you're going to every party this year. And you're in my group."_

_So, I went over to Kyle's table._

_"Kyle Jacobs, right?" I say. He looks up at me. "Amy?"_

_"Ally." I say, angrily. He never remembers my name._

_"Oh, right. You going to the party?"_

_"Yes. Actually, I came over here to..." _

_"Great. It's a date. See you then." he says. I smile a little, but then look back at Cassidy. Maybe I could skip step three and create a new step. _

_Disobey her and go after the guy she wants._

_"Wait, um, could you drive me there? Pick me up from Sonic Boom at eight?"_

_"Sure. This must be your first party. No party starts at eight. It's always ten."_

_I smile. "You're cute."_

_That makes me blush. I nod. "Thanks."_

_As I make my way back to Cassidy's table, I sit down. I had a date with Kyle Jacobs! And I was invited to a party. I had even ruined Cassidy!_

_"It's done, Cass." I falsely aware her, giving her a nickname._

_"Great. This is awesome."_

_I look at Kira. "Your shoes are so lame." I simply say. Knowing females, this could've caused World War III. But surprisingly, Kira stayed calm. Mainly because..._

_"So lame." Cassidy repeats. Then high fives me._

_"Look at her. She's a piece of garbage." Cassidy said that one. Followed by many others._

_"Okay, I get it, Cass." Kira grumbles._

_Cassidy smiles and I just give a relieved sigh._

_I was waiting at Sonic Boom, not a minute after ten. Kyle was on time. I had worn a short skirt and a pink crop top. I had worn makeup for the first time and curled my hair a little._

_I knew I looked amazing. Kyle and I were silent the entire ride. When he stopped, we both got out. Cassidy was in a corner watching, I bet. I felt so guilty. But I was relieved._

_I was at a party._

_Some girl offered me a cup of beer and I drank it. It was horrible, but I had another to satisfy me. And then another. And a few more. I was trying to get drunk, I think._

_Kyle found me and insisted I sat down. He tried to console me. I was jumping around and singing We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus like the world was over. To calm me, he took me into a room. I laid down, not knowing what was going to happen. I sit back up and look into Kyle's eyes. That's a great color of... wow, what color? It was just... well, I was drunk, so I don't know. They were sure as hell beautiful. Little did I know, he was just buttering me up._

_So, I followed my instincts and kissed him. Like the most awesome kiss ever. We didn't get naked, but we were making out on top of each other. No dry humping stuff, but just kissing. It was perfect. His lips felt amazing against mine and the kiss overall was fucking awesome. I was hiding pain._

_That's when a door opened. It was Cassidy. She snapped a photo. People crowded around. By then, Kyle was on his way out the door. In fact, he left and never spoke to me again._

_"Whore."_

_"Slut."_

_"Bitch."_

_Names people decided to call me. I was named the slut of the school. Guys often asked if I'd give them a hand job, whatever the hell that is. Somebody put a bunch of condoms in my locker. And when I took Tylenol pills, there was a rumor I attempted to kill myself because I had sex with a guy who had a girlfriend and she beat me up. That I had gave up. Ally Dawson doesn't give up. She never has and she never will._

_Everyone hated me and I had lost all my friends. Trish wasn't mad at me, but she just stopped talking to me after a while._

_By sophomore year, rumor had it I was pregnant. Then by January, they decided that I got an abortion since I hadn't gained any weight._

_Shitheads._

_After a little, I met Dallas. It ended within a month. Apparently, I had cheated on him. Well, he told everyone that. He broke up with me because I'm broke. My parents died when I was a kid and I moved in with my drug addict of an aunt. She's poor and I'd rather live behind the mall dumpster than with her._

_I don't have too much money, nor do I have anybody who cares about me._

_Junior year arrived. I dyed my ends blonde. I just wanted a change. Everyone demanded it a slut move. But they weren't worried about me. Everyone was surrounding the new kid, Austin Moon. He went to the middle school, but moved the summer going into high school. I remember that summer. He kissed me on my cheek and told me to take good care of Sonic Boom. He was my good friend, you could say, and it crushed me when he moved. He's part of why I had to change myself. He was the only guy that was interested. After Dallas, I had surely given up on boys. I wasn't going to be lesbian, but I had decided I'd be single._

_Everyone knows Austin has money, charm, looks, talent, and... need I go on?_

_Actually, that was the summer my parents died. He was the only person I spoke to after the accident and when I was forced to live with my aunt, he told me things would get better and I'd be fine. I had hoped so. It unfortunately wasn't. We were a couple of fourteen year olds in love, but neither one of us admitted it._

_So, seeing everyone be so excited to see Austin actually made me jealous. So, I pushed my way through the crowd and found him. He certainly grew; more muscular, hair looked more rough, and he looked less... sweet._

_"Austin." I call. I don't expect him to answer, especially after people start saying he's latest on my "sex list"._

_He looks up. "Ally."_

_I see his smile. This makes me smile, something I haven't done in a long time. "Your hair."_

_"Yeah. I just changed it. Do you like it?"_

_"I always liked it."_

_I look down at my feet. I wasn't about to let my guard down to "rich boy". I'm not that dumb._

_"Well, so do all the other boys." I simply say. That wipes the smile right off his face. _

_"Go talk to them, then."_

_"Maybe I will."_

_With that, everyone "oohs". Lunch came and word on the street was that I asked Austin to have sex with me and he turned me down. I ate my lunch in the bathroom stall._

_My motive wasn't to add fuel to the fire, it was to show Austin that I wasn't into him, just to save myself from getting hurt. I meant to pour water in, but I feel as though I put gasoline in. I made things way worse. I'm an idiot._

_The next day, things had cooled down. Thanks to Cassidy. She started dating Austin, and it was love at first text. They were the "It couple". Everyone looked up to them._

_Cassidy had the clothes, the looks, the hair, the smile, and the fierceness._

_Austin had the looks, the hair, the smile, the eyes, the clothes, the abs that made you just want to rip his shirt off. Oh my God._

_All the girls wanted to be Cassidy. All the boys wanted to date her._

_All the boys wanted to be Austin. All the girls wanted to date him. At least they took the attention off me for a while._

_It was the next week, that I decided Austin was a no good jerk. _

_While I was eating a burger at lunch, he chose to come and sit with me. I glared at him, giving him the idea to move._

_"You changed. Why?" he asks._

_"Go sit with your girlfriend."_

_"Answer my question. Why?"_

_"I just did, okay?! No one cares about me, so why must you?"_

_"It's wrong for me to care about you?"_

_"Yes, high school isn't all it's cracked up to be for me, and you, Mr. Popular, would not understand."_

_That's when the dickface calls Cassidy over to the table. She struts, clacking her heels loud just to get attention._

_Cassidy stares at me and laughs. "Wow. You're after my boyfriend? You're one of those persistent sluts who tries to fuck the guy who already rejected you a first time. You are a pathetic whore, and it's in everyone's best interest that you kill yourself. So, go, and swallow some more pills."_

_Cassidy said it so loud, the entire cafeteria heard it. Some laughed, others whispered, others agreed, and the others were the quiet by standing bastards that I fucking hated._

_It was in everyone's best interest that I kill myself and that was just what needed to be done._

_I had a plan. I was waiting until Halloween. That was the night of the party and I had to fix some things before my farewell I knew for sure no one would forget._

_I dressed in the most provocative outfit on sale I could find and my make up was perfect. This was the only way to go._

_Austin was there and he wasn't dressed up. He just came for the party I suppose. I had my purse by my side. It had my phone, gum, sleeping pills, Tylenol pills, and Advil. _

_I had resided on a couch. One thing I regretted was spending the money I had on that ridiculous outfit, but at the moment I decided if I was killing myself, I wouldn't need any money. Who the hell would go to my funeral?_

_Austin decided to speak to me and letting my guard down was the last option. He made me feel special, like Kyle did._

_Okay, so I wasn't completely honest. Kyle and I didn't just make out. Well, to me that was all we were going to do. But to him, he took it as an opportunity to take a girl's virginity without her permission. And Kyle got arrested, but the son of a bitch was at the Halloween party._

_In the midst of talking to Austin, I saw him smirking at me. So, I just ran outside. Kyle went after me and grabbed my arm. "Where the hell are you going? The party's just begun. I know you missed me."_

_"I didn't." He tightens his grip._

_"You fucked another guy, I hear. A lot of them."_

_"It's a lie. Even if it wasn't, what have I got to... prove to you?" I start struggling, but he just slaps me in the face._

_"Don't struggle. You'll make it worse."_

_Suddenly he lets go. Not willingly, but because someone pushed him off and started throwing punches at him._

_It was a full on fist fight and I refused to watch, but it was all because of me and I couldn't just let this happen. But at the same time, I wasn't going to watch someone punch another person. People rooted for Austin, but several rooted for Kyle, too. To me, it was gross. Who would do that? It was disgusting. I did what not many people would do, but I jumped in, trying to break it up. Blood got on my shirt and I'm going to predict from Kyle because his nose and lip were bleeding. It appeared Austin was untouched. Except his hair, which actually didn't look to bad tousled._

_I take Austin inside, where almost no one is. I led him to the first aid kit and cleaned him up. He didn't react to the peroxide. There had been a few wounds to his stomach because Kyle being the pussy slash coward that he is got out his handy-dandy pocket knife. The distant sound of sirens made us both curious. He left to go see, but I didn't. I started crying and remembered that life was terrible and rummaged through my purse. I got out my phone. I made a video, that simply said "I'm done with you mother fuckers." Then on camera took every single pill in my purse. I said bye, almost with no emotion, but then I started crying. I sent it to every soul in my contact list and I even posted it on YouTube. I hadn't died yet, which is what I had wished. I went out the back door and fell to the ground. My heart stopped. My breathing stopped. My life stopped. Or so I thought._

_I awoke in the hospital, no family member in sight. It's not as if my aunt ever cared whether I was alive or dead in the first place. I flicked on the news._

_'Miami teenager Austin Moon taken to juvenile detention for murder.' What? That couldn't be right. But it was. I was in the hospital a few days after until they sent me to Willow Falls Mental Hospital. I was mental? Ally Dawson? Mental? I don't think so._

_I had soon learned that Kyle died and it seemed that Austin killed him with that last punch. It was all my fault. My stress, anger, and sadness built up and I was in that hospital for too long. Way too long._

_They got me a therapist, like I needed one. She told me to call her Karen, but I always called her Dr. Karen Winbinger. She found it a little funny. Dr. K.W. actually made my life easier and she seemed to understand me._

_Eventually, I was ready to be released. I told Dr. Winbinger that a therapist wasn't exactly in my budget, but she agreed to do it for free. Going back home, I decided to reopen Sonic Boom. I had went there every week before the... incident and tuned all the instruments, making sure they were in proper care. I had a pillow and sleeping bag in the practice room, which was turned into my bedroom slash practice room. The old piano was music to my ears... literally._

_Sonic Boom gained great business and I could afford a blow up mattress. I didn't have everything I needed or wanted, but what I had currently was fine to me._

_One thing just didn't make sense to me. How Austin Moon walked around the store everyday and left. I didn't speak to him, nor did he speak to me. Wasn't that guy in jail? Oh great, the mental girl and the delinquent. I mean, I know he's not a delinquent but others don't. He was even more mysterious than before._

_I was returning to school in January and it was only a cold, lonely December day. Well, not cold. I live in Miami._

_December 1st, to be exact and I had lots of time to let things sink in. Like why Austin Moon was back from prison. That question ran through my head._

_And that's where this story ends. It's December 2nd today. Today is day of reunions, firsts, screams, shouts, fights, and... well, I can't spoil it._

* * *

Let's just say, it started out like any other day.

I woke up and ran to the door. I made it to the mall in my pajamas and brushed my teeth in a water fountain. I washed my face and cleaned up. Since I wasn't the richest gal, I wore a blue sweatshirt with gray sweatpants and Uggs. I won the shoes in an auction. Did you know Uggs are like 150 dollars? A little worth it; they're super comfortable. My hair chilled in a messy braid. I usually wore my hair down, but like I said: people change. And if I didn't say that, I'm saying it now.

That was a hell of a story. It's still sinking in, isn't it? As I turned the sign in Sonic Boom to 'Open', Austin walked right in. I was moody this morning, so I snap. "What do you want? If you're not going to buy anything, then get out!"

He looked at the drums. I saw a corn dog in his hand. "No eating in the store." I say.

He doesn't seem to care, or hear a word I say. He plays the drums carelessly, but fantastically, with the corn dogs. I hated that jerk.

"Aren't you supposed to be in jail?" I ask him.

"Aren't you supposed to be in a mental hospital?" he mimics, and takes a bite out of the corn dog.

"Gross. And no, I got out."

"Me too." he says, after he's swallowed. Well, at least he didn't talk with his mouthful. I can not stand when people do that! Or when they say 'libary' instead of library! Ugh, and when Styrofoam touches? I hate that! Apparently, I'm thinking out loud because Austin looks puzzled.

"When are you going back to school?" I ask, out of curiosity.

"January."

"Wow. Same."

"It's going to be a hell of a month with you."

"With me?" This guy seemed a little cocky. With me? What did that mean?

"Yeah, with you. You, me, 33 more days. We can hang out, right?"

"I... guess. I don't know. I'm not the kind to hang out with former prisoners."

"You know I didn't kill him, right?" Austin asks me.

I honestly don't know. He punched him, I heard sirens, he got arrested. I don't know. It makes sense for him to go to jail. Who else killed him? Austin's guilty, end of story. And I don't know why I agreed to hang out with him for 33 more days. Letting my guard down is the very last option, like I keep saying. It's something about Austin that's alluring and bad, but it's best if I stay away from him. It's not that Kyle didn't deserve to die, I mean he did. Or didn't. No one deserves to die. I guess. I mean, we all will one day, so don't we deserve it? Isn't it what's coming to us? My point is, no matter Kyle's character, he didn't need to die. Well, he actually did. I don't know. A rapist might deserve to be killed. Or a serial killer. And a rapist is what Kyle is. Was. He was a potential serial killer. What kind of dick hits and rapes a girl and tries to continue his old way two years later? He obviously wasn't done with me after we was imprisoned.

I remember the rape like it was yesterday; I have nightmares about it every night. It's like an evil thing haunting you and chasing you. Something coming back to life. Kyle. Coming back to life.

I scream my heart out after that thought. I'm having a freaking panic attack. Austin calms me down and, like a gentleman, doesn't demand an answer to the question. I'm quick to push him off of me.

"Get off! Get off! Off! Get the fuck off of me!" I find myself, screaming and crying. But not screaming to Austin. To Kyle. I'm reliving the nightmare. I shake and scream and cry. Not many people know what it feels like to get played, dissed, bullied, rejected, raped, thrown, pushed, and broken. And if they do, how about every single one of those over and over again. Kyle didn't just rape me once, or hit me once. It was constant and repeated, just like everything else. I'm not just some physco girl ready to give up. I'm a troubled, lost, unwanted girl ready to give up. And I did give up, but it didn't work out. I'm alive, to several people's, and my dismay. It's not fair and it never was fair how everybody else had easy lives and mines seemed to get worse by day. And I realized, the day I met Austin it began to fall apart.

We met at the park; I return home to find that my parents were ready to divorce. We went out for ice cream; my cat died, which actually was my only thing I could rely on. He made me feel all special; my parents declared that I was a mistake anyways, while arguing over custody. My parents divorced; Austin told me he was leaving. He kissed my cheek; my parents died. He said we'd talk everyday; he didn't respond to any of my emails.

Every day that I thought of him, or did anything that associated with his existence made my life turn into crap. And get flushed down the toilet, into a sewer with alligators, and other turdlings floating around. The poop represents my life, the sewer represents high school, the alligators represents the bullies, and the turdlings represent everybody else. Austin is the comb that accidentally got flushed down the toilet. I'm good with metaphors and analogies, sort of.

When he could have, Austin didn't leave. I'm surprised. I actually wanted him to. I didn't want him near me, at all. I didn't want anybody near me.

He lifted up my sleeve, exposing all my cuts and bruises. I'm not admitting to anything.

Okay, I cut sometimes. The other bruises are on parts of my body that I didn't allow doctors to touch. Like my arms and my back. I didn't want doctors to clean my wounds. It's not like they could anyway, I didn't have any insurance, so they couldn't legally put anesthesia on me to get me to stop resisting. I want everyone to see my bruises and learn something from them. That I'm a fighter, when I'm really a quitter. I give up on things, like life, when I use to try and fail, but choose to try again. I'm not who I appear to be, in some ways. But in other ways, I'm exactly who I appear to be.

Austin gets the idea and lets go of me.

"Why?" he asks.

"Don't worry about my life. Fix your own." I tell him and run upstairs to the practice room, turning the lock. I find a blade, and cut my wrist. Just one little cut. It hurts so badly. The pain is excruciating, but it's a break from my life. People don't understand why others cut. I do.

One: They get all their pain out

Two: The pain is all they think about, rather than their terrible life.

When I'm done, I feel better emotionally. Not mentally; I still hate my life. And not physically; I'm freaking bleeding, my skin is cut open.

I begin to cry and scribble in my songbook. I'm just so angry. I'm so sad. I'm so hurt. I'm so... broken. Austin pounds on the door. Well, this guy can't take a hint.

Believing that he's gone, I go over to my piano and let the words come out. _Double Take _is a song that I wrote a long time ago, but that's not what I sang. I sang and that's all that matters. I sang, which is something I stopped doing. I always wrote in my songbook, but I rarely sang anymore. When I'm finished, I feel even better. But what I least expected was applause.

* * *

_**What do ya think? Please review, follow, and favorite. I really want to hear what you think. Update Days: Saturdays. Like, the weekend. The day after Friday. I have a lot of homework from almost all of my classes, my computer is slow to turn on, chores, friends... well, I actually don't have any because I recently moved, but my new house is in work, and stuff. Well, there's an inside on my life.**_

_**So, basically, I begin the chapter on Friday and finish it up on Saturday. Very rarely will I not update on Saturday. If I don't update on a Saturday, I'm busy. But, I'll most likely never update on a Wednesday or a Thursday. Let's say I forget to update a Saturday, you shall not expect a chapter that following week, but that following Saturday I will post TWO chapters to show my apologies. But, I probably will not forget to update.**_

_**And, finally, thanks for reading! Now, just review, follow, favorite, and you have yourself another chapter. If you give me five reviews, I'll give you chapter two next Saturday. Four is also acceptable. Sorry, it's just that I worked really hard on this and I don't want to waste four hours of my life writing a story that isn't even being read because I've been through that.**_

_**This story had to come out because I promised it would in late September or early October, and September is coming to an end. I also tend to procrastinate. I never, ever, EVER break a promise!**_

_**And lastly, I'm working on a story for The Fosters, I should add, so that's two stories tied upon me. That'll be out in November. This story hopefully ends sometime around Spring Break, if all goes well. The Fosters story I'm planning to debut in November, I'm still trying to figure out a chapter one for that. I have a story for My Babysitter's a Vampire debuting in May and a story for Kick Ass coming out in the fall of 2014. So, I'm booked. I'll take suggestions for stories, but I'm not making it fairly long because of my other stories. And thanks if you took the time to read this author's note. I talk too much, but thanks.**_

_**Read.**_

_**Review.**_

_**Follow.**_

_**Favorite.**_

_**Chapter two is coming.**_

_**May the odds be ever in your favor.**_

_**~InOtherWords13~ 3**_


	2. Chapter Two

_**Hey, guys, I'm back, as promised. I'm a little behind on updating because my computer is a demented piece of metal with a keypad and a screen. It ran slow, sorry! Since I talk a lot, I decided to limit what I have to say to four...**_

_**One: Thank you SO much for the reviews. I really appreciated them.**_

_**Two: Who else was surprised by last week's kiss?! I thought it'd be in Fresh Starts & Farewells. I actually already saw it on YouTube, but I'm not spoiling it. A bit cliche, if you ask me. That's why when they kissed, which I didn't expect, was a major turn from Disney's usual stuff. Austin & Ally, Jessie, and Good Luck Charlie are the only reasons I still watch Disney Channel. And I'm such a child, especially for my age. I never wanna grow up, I'm like Peter Pan...**_

_**Three: Who else got R5's new album LOUDer? I didn't but I downloaded it to my phone. It's awesome and at WalMart, I think, and on Itunes. Okay, that's enough...**_

_**Four: I own nothing. Besides, even if I did own Austin & Ally, I'd get fired for attacking (in a good way..) Ross Lynch. I'm a hopeless dreamer.**_

* * *

The applause came from none other than Austin Moon. He opened the door, somehow. I'm not going to ask him because he was in prison. Where did he learn how to pick a lock? Sarcasm.

"I was just fooling around." I say. It's a bit of a lie and the truth. I _was _just singing and playing a random song, but I had written that song and it meant a lot to me. Fooling around? Ugh, he probably knows I'm a terrible liar too. I always stutter and get a high voice, and sometimes smile a little.

"That's not just fooling around. You... have..." he begins.

"Talent?" I ask, expecting that's what he'd say.

"No. Not even potential. But, you have a lot of guts to sing like you didn't just cut yourself. You must be Marilyn Monroe."

"Marilyn Monroe was an actress, for your information." I correct him. And Marilyn Monroe also might not have killed herself. 50 years and we _still _don't know. He could have said Whitney Houston. But I shouldn't blame him. He didn't have much of an education in jail. But he was in jail for a month. A month. That's not long enough, especially for murder. Or manslaughter. Whatever the hell happened that night. All I know is, a month is definately too short to be in jail. Parole lasts longer than that. I shouldn't ask him though. I have no right to do that. Not completely.

"Actually, she was an actress, model, _and _singer. She spent most of her life in foster homes." he says, reading it off of his phone.

"Are you on Wikipedia? That thing always lies."

"Maybe you're just like it. Yeah, I'm on it, but my point is you sang your freaking heart out after just cutting yourself."

"Eavesdrop much?" I ask, denying anything he accuses me of.

"I wasn't eavesdropping. You change the subject too much."

"No, I don't. What about you and your little prison buddies? Go hang out with them. I'm sure it'll be fantastic."

"Why spend time with them when I can spend time with you?" he says. My eyes widen. He basically just said he'd rather spend time with me than his prison buddies.

Wait, why am I getting all excited? That's not exactly a good thing. He's saying he'd rather spend time with me than people in jail. That's terrible, in so many ways. Besides, most of them are probably still in jail anyways. And you can't make a friend in one single month. That's too short to just call someone your friend. I knew Cassidy for a month, we talked here and there, but we weren't friends. If I did call her my friend, I would have regretted it. That was seventh grade and after her and I became cool with one another, she stopped talking to me. If I had called her my friend, I would have been hurt.

_More _hurt.

"You and I won't spend this alleged thirty three days together. Or any day after that. I'll be lucky if I can survive that long." I say, mumbling the last part.

"Ally." is all he says. He's walking over to me. I think I'm blushing, but I cover it with a frown. Oh, great. False alarm. He's walking over to the piano. I got all excited for nothing. Why was I excited to begin with? I don't like him, remember? I mean, I do, but not in that way. And if it gets to that way, I'll have to fight it because I'm not getting hurt again. Not again. I've been hurt too many times to count and I'm afraid that if I'm hurt again, it'll be the end of my dating life for good. I wish it were just the end of my life, for good, and there'd be no worries after that anyway.

He starts playing but stops. Interesting.

"Why'd you stop playing? It was... it sucked, but why'd you stop?" It was actually pretty good, but I couldn't tell him that. That'd be weird. Well, he'd assume I gave him a compliment, and people don't usually give compliments unless they like someone. He can't be under the impression that I like him or he'll abuse that weakness just like Kyle. Kyle. His eyes. His face that made any girl want to fall for him. I was one of many, and I'm pretty sure he raped other girls too. He made me do something I didn't want to do. Well, not really. It's not like I participated. But I didn't scream or cry for help. He said if I made a single sound, he'd kill me. He had already punched me, so I don't think killing me would be too hard of a job for him to do. Even if I did scream, no one would hear. The music was blasting at it's maximum.

Before Austin can answer, my thoughts make me cry. I even start shaking. I can feel Kyle's body on mine again. I can feel my face throbbing because he punched me. I can feel the same feeling I had the night it happened. A year ago. That feeling isn't the best feeling in the whole world. In fact, it's the most disgusting, grotesque feeling in the entire universe. That tops whatever feeling those "aliens" have. My hands are practically vibrating. My legs look like a volcanoe ready to erupt. I bet I look like a fucking gremlin having a seizure.

Austin doesn't do anything. He looks shocked. I want him to help me, but I don't think that saying, "Don't touch me!" gave him the idea that I wanted to be helped. He walked out the door. I can't be angry. I pretty much told him to. I didn't need to use words to tell him to get the hell out of my life.

I don't calm myself down completely, but I lay on my back and cry myself to sleep. Typical night for me. I spend most nights crying myself to sleep for two different reasons: Kyle and loneliness. I have several daymares about Kyle. Just reliving that night. That night. Over and over again. Every night. I wake up, do what I do (which isn't much), and while I do that I think about Kyle, and when I go to sleep, if Kyle's not on my mind, I cry about how alone I am. Except then I go to sleep and have a Kyle nightmare again. A repetitive cycle.

The next day, I wake up in the same spot. I gurgle some mouth wash and spit it out on the floor. I wash my face with the water from a water bottle. My hair is a tangled mess. I haven't washed it in a few days and I have delicate hair. Not really, but if it's not washed, it'll go physco. Physco. A girl just released from a mental hospital is calling her hair physco. Wow.

I let my hair down and comb it with a stray comb. It's not hard to find a comb on the ground outside, depending on where you are and where you look. At least I look half decent. To change my style up a bit, I put on a Beatles shirt and some jeans that are baggy. Despite the hot weather, I put on a hoodie. It's no Northface, but just a hoodie.

But it's the whistle I hear when I'm putting the Beatles shirt on that annoys me. I look at the door's direction. Austin Moon. Who could have guessed?

I _was _changing by the cashier, only because my pile of clothes were under the register. I didn't have much clothes: a few hoodies, a Beatles shirt, a green shirt with a red stain, about ten sweatshirts of only the same three colors; blue, black, red, and maybe ten sweatpants that were all faded colors of gray, but gray itself is a faded color.

Austin sees that I'm still getting dressed, despite his whistle. He won't make me lose my thought.

He smiles at me.

Wait. What was I talking about?

"Why are you looking at me? Are you some type of sick, pervertic bastard?"

"No. Just a lot to look at." he replies. Wow, nice job making me feel bad for calling you a bastard by telling me I'm pretty. He did say that, right? A lot to look at. That's a compliment, right? Who cares? I obviously do. For some reason, and I honestly don't want to care.

"Well, get out of my face because there's nothing to look at."

"No, thirty-two more days are left."

"Shut up! There is no thirty-two more days! There never was and if you don't get out of my face, for you, there won't even be one more day!" I snap. He looked at me while I was getting dressed. That's a time where I shouldn't worry about a disgusting loser looking at me naked. I wasn't walking around the store naked, but I was changing under the cashier. I stood up to put my pants on. Like, who doesn't stand up to put pants on? Then I put my shirt on. I wasn't exactly thinking someone would come inside a music store, especially at six in the morning, when the sign clearly says... 'open'. Okay, it said 'open', but that's no reason to do what he did.

That's disgusting, to the level of Kyle. Kyle would do that, except knowing him, he'd take a picture or something. It bothers me so much. Given our past, I can't forgive him for that. Especially, given _my _past with boys not caring about my... private parts. I was raped, so how does he think I'll react to him whistling when I'm shirtless, especially considering he killed the guy who raped me, _and _I went to a mental hospital because of it? Okay, so I say "especially" a lot. That's only because I have lots of reasoning for things. I'm a bit pedantic. Sometimes. I think I talk too much.

"Ally, there are several days left, out of your control." he says.

"They're in my control. I can kill myself."

"Why would you try to kill yourself in the first place?"

Did he seriously just ask me that? That's a Dora question.

"I'm sorry, Professor Dickwad, did you get beat up in jail? Because something retarded climbed inside of you. Maybe it's always been there."

"Yeah, well, I got pounded a few times. It was just a question."

"No, it wasn't just a question. Maybe it was to you, but to me that's something I've never told anybody, and you're one of the reasons why I tried. So, get out of my face. Please."

"Well, you said please, so I think I'll leave. But I'll see you tomorrow." Austin says, and starts to walk out. I go after him.

"No. There is no tomorrow. Can't you see that I hate you? Do you understand what 'no' means?! It means they decline your offer, or decline your demand, or command. It means no and no means no. Apparently, you're just like Kyle because he doesn't understand what no means either!" I shout. Tears come down my face, like they always do. They have some magical way of appearing. Tears and I are pretty close. Something happens and you might as well cue the tears.

"Bummer. I don't hate you. In fact, I think I like you."

I groan. "Oh, gee, is this the part where I can't resist you and we kiss? If it is, you can just get to the heartbreaking and I can move on with my endless life." He doesn't seem to get the hint. I don't like him. I've told him that. I've shown him that. Do I need to spell it out?

Austin walks closer and puts his hand on mine. It's warm and I like it. It's like a blanket in hand form. Okay, I must be crazy. I just got out of a mental hospital, so that's totally normal.

I yank my hand away and hit him in the head with my nearby songbook. "Okay, I talk, you listen. You disgust me. I don't like you and I won't even in a million years. You understand that, don't you? If you don't, you're from another country and I'll translate it. French? Spanish?"

"I was going to leave, but I decided to stay just to annoy you."

I turn the sign to 'Closed' and stomped to the practice room. The fact that he couldn't take a hint was shocking, yet I expected it. He understood what I was saying, but he said we'd spend thirty-three days together and he meant it. Why was he asking me questions? Did he want me to ask him questions? Should I just shower him with questions? I have a plan. I'm going to allow him to hang out with me, buttering him up, and then figure out whatever this little mystery is about him. It can't be that bad.

I expect him to come in and follow me. I expect him to do like he keeps doing. Annoy me _and _ignore me. So, when he doesn't come I get the feeling he left... because I kind of told him to. I look at the door and Austin isn't there.

Kyle is.

* * *

_"What are you doing here?" I ask him. He should be dead, yet he's right here. It's literally a nightmare come true._

_"What are you talking about, Ally?"_

_"So, in my dreams, you remember my name?" He smiles the smile I couldn't resist. He smiles the smile that got me raped._

_"This isn't a dream." he says and starts walking over to me. What am I supposed to do? I could sit there or I could move. What difference does it make?_

_His hand touches mine, and it burns. I feel like that's literally the chemistry we have. It's not chemistry; it's fire. That fire needs to be put out, but it seems to grow bigger. What a shock. Add that to the list of things Ally Dawson has ruined. Her own life, perhaps others, and every chance at her happiness. How smart of me. It doesn't literally burn, but the single touch hurts. His hand is so rough and he has nails. Why do boys let their nails grow? Most boys I know don't._

_After Kyle touches my hand, he touches my face. Like he did the night he raped me. I move back a little, but he just grabs my wrist to pull me towards him and kisses me. I let him. I mean, if your crush kisses you, aren't you going to let him? Well, stop him, and ask him if he's a rapist. I wish I had done that._

_I don't kiss him back. In fact, the weirdo bites my lip and I push him off of me. He doesn't push me back, but in return, he kisses me again and I try to get him off, but, like Austin, he doesn't get a hint. Every time I see Austin, I see Kyle. And Kyle is somebody I don't want to see._

_Kyle grabs my wrist, so he makes sure I don't get away. He continues... not listening to me, just like Austin._

* * *

The nightmare wasn't too detailed. I have the same one every single day. What happened that night is something unforgettable, especially since I'm reminded of it every night. The fact that Austin reminds me of Kyle, kills me. Not literally. If it did, my life would be easier and have gone my way for once.

I start screaming at the top of my lungs. Austin was at the door. Not Kyle. Same. They are just alike. How it must have looked to Austin: seeing me scream and cry uncontrollably, shout 'I said no' several times, and hop around. I wasn't really hopping, but just moving around trying to get away from Kyle, who wasn't there. He was never there. Austin was there, and the comparison is inevitable.

He doesn't help me. He allows me to be physco, like I probably am. I told him to leave a long time ago and he doesn't listen, which is just so 'surprising'.

"Leave, I'll see you tomorrow." I say, after wiping my tears (and my nose) with my sleeve.

Austin nods, and turns to leave, but comes back. What now?

"Ally. Do you really... _hate _me?" Austin asks me. Ally.

"I don't hate you to the point of death, but I hate you to the point that if you don't get out of my face, I'll have no issue stabbing you." I answer. He smiles. I smile back.

"You should smile more." he says. I raise an eyebrow.

"Okay, Austin, starting tomorrow, I'll give you a chance." I say. He can talk to me and I won't hurt him. That's a privelege he should like to have, especially with all of his questions. That I will not answer.

"Oh, so I'll pick you up at eight?"

"Ew, not _that _kind of chance. Not in a million years remember?" He smiles again. Okay, so he wants something to look at, I'll give him something to look at. Yeah, that's right, I'm still angry. It reminded me by him saying that. He's a pervert. No, I'm too weak and scarred to go all "Girls Gone Wild" on him, but I'll totally curse him out... again.

"I was joking. You're not my type." Somehow, this hurts my feelings. He's mean, but I'm not the nicest girl, now am I?

"If I weren't your type, why were you watching me get dressed like a disgusting weirdo?! Like Kyle?!" Leave it to me to find any reason to think about Kyle.

"I honestly wasn't. I whistled to let you know I was there. I could care less about you getting dressed or about Kyle."

"Oh." is all I say. How weak of me. A bit lame, actually. I accused him of being gross and all he did was walk in the store and whistle to let me know he was there. Part of me doesn't beleive that. Ally Dawson isn't that gullible. Ally Dawson should not speak in third person.

Well, I care about Kyle. In a bad way, meaning I can't just _not _think and wonder about him. I'll always care about the stuff he did and said.

Some things are out of our control. Austin was right about that, but he's not my problem. Well, not my _only _problem.

* * *

_**What do you think? Like? I'm not too fond of this chapter, but this just needed to happen for the story's sake. The first few chapters are always a bit... scratchy. The nightmare was short, but it'll be longer in the future. I couldn't say how she got raped in the second chapter, just too soon.**_

_**So, review, and follow and favorite if you haven't already. Don't be afraid to tell me what I need to work on. I actually take criticism badly, sometimes, just depending on my mood, how the person says it, what they are critiscizing, and their opinion on other things. Like, if they like One Direction and try to tell me this story sucks. Chhhhyeaaaaahhhh, they can go read a different story and I recommend R5 for a new favorite band. Okay, I'm so mean... Like what you like, I don't really care, but... like my story and I will care. My life revolves around writing.. Hehe, just kidding... maybe.**_

_**Okay, so I made a diagram because I have OCD and I really have to put things in lists and graphs and tables to organize them. I'm not even sure if that's what OCD means, I just heard it on TV... which I watch too much of. And I also add 'dot dot dot' a lot... This story will have exactly thirty-nine chapters and will end in May. I didn't think about that at first. So, when summer finally comes, this story is ovah! A lot is in store and in case you didn't get the hint, Austin & Ally WILL end up together. I put it in the summary... I'm an idiot, but that's okay.**_

_**Bye, guys. Sorry it was so late! My computer is what needs to go to a mental hospital. It's so slow, that no matter how long the Hare slept, it would still lose the race. The freaking tortoise could beat it! Okay, I'm calm, now I can eat breakfast. I'm so hungry. Oh yeah, and if I don't update on a Saturday, it's most likely because of my laptop moving as slow as a slug. So, don't be too surprised if I update that Sunday. Oh, no, Sunday means Monday, and Monday means homework. I forgot to do my homework...Well, bye... I have some work to do. **_

_**Adios, amigos. : )**_


	3. Chapter Three

_**Hey. I'm sorry I didn't update. I've been busy and the original chapter three didn't save, and I've been too angry to approach my laptop after that.**_

_**NOT EDITED**_

* * *

_"Are you kidding me?" I say to Trish._

_"No, Ally. I'm telling you.." she begins. We were interrupted by Cassidy. It was the very day after the party. I had apologized to Trish for what I said. Popularity wasn't worth losing my best friend. It wasn't worth losing everything._

_Cassidy flips her long brown hair over her shoulder and smiles. "Hey, fatso. Hey, slut." she greets impolitely. However, I think manners are the last thing on this girl's mind._

_I usually left it to Trish to have a comeback and she always did. "So, I'm fat and she's a slut. Those things can be fixed, but you will always be ugly." Cassidy scoffs and walks off. I thanked Trish, but within an hour, I wished she hadn't have done that._

_In Phys Ed, I was changing in the locker room. But after my rape, I felt vulnerable and violated, and there was no way I was changing in front of these people. I started to walk in the bathroom, but Cassidy stopped me._

_"Tell your friend to be more careful." she whispers. I'm not sure what that means. I get it within a minute. "Ally? No way! You had sex with him? I mean, was it good?" She said that so loud I'm pretty sure the boys' locker room heard. And it wasn't even true._

_Kira looked up. "You mean with Kyle?" she asks Cassidy._

_Cassidy hides her smirk. "No. She had sex with Brian."_

_"Who's Bri.." I begin to ask, very confused, when another girl lashes out._

_"My boyfriend?! You slut!" she shouts. I look around, still lost. Who the fuck is Brian?_

_The girl started scratching me and throwing punches. I fought back until she revealed the bruise Kyle left. It was more like a gash. She gasped and screamed at its gory sight. I pushed her off of me and lowered my sleeve._

_"I bet you got that from getting rejected by a guy. You wouldn't take no for an answer, so he hit you? Am I correct?"_

_Partially. I rejected a guy and he wouldn't take no for an answer, so he hit me. Oh, Cassidy, so close._

_I don't answer her. Brian's girlfriend calmed down as far as anger, but now she was crying. "Brian always cheats on me."_

_"Okay. Who is Brian?" this girl asks._

_"Does a Brian even go here?"_

_"There is no Brian at this school."_

_People started to catch on. There was a guy named Kim at this school, one named Roger, one named Peter, people of all kinds of names, yet not a single Brian. Which is ironic since the girl claims that's her boyfriend, therefore he's taken, and not single, which he should be. But wait. There is no Brian and everyone knows that. So, how did that hurt Cassidy's poor little ego? I don't know, but I know she quickly covered it up._

_"Does it matter? She didn't have sex with just Brian. A series of guys. And I never said that Brian went here."_

_Her theory was so effed up. "Even if I did, how would you know that?"_

_Everyone started to agree and demand she was a stalker until finally Brian's girlfriend (I'm beginning to think Brian does not exist) said, "Brian told me. And the series of guys that Cassidy is talking about are his friends."_

_"Um, that sounds like rape." Kira points out. The word 'rape' sends this tingle through my body. A bad kind of tingle. More like a tremble. I remember everything that happened last night as it replays in my brain, word for word, action for action, and worst of all, the sick feeling it left that night that it still there._

_"Was it?" a girl asks me._

_This is all so stupid. "I didn't have sex with anybody. And what you thought you saw was wrong! I didn't have sex with Kyle. He..." I begin. I could have said "raped me" and that would have been it. I knew for a fact everyone would beleive it and Kyle would be in jail, permanately, and all the bad things would never have happened. All those repercussions because of two words I did not say._

_For some reason, there was a lump in my throat. "Just give up and let me take over." she whispers and turns to the crowd. "As you can see, she's lying. What else could be behind her loss for words?" More than you think. "Guess what else," she continues. "Ally is a slut and she knows it. Brian even knows it. So, my advise to her is to go to the clinic to get rid of that STD."_

_And everyone beleives it._

_They seem to forget the fact that Brian doesn't exist. It was fine for the rest of the day. No one gave me a hard time. Then Thursday had to come._

_I had walked to my locker, hoping to dodge the haters. Unfortunately, Cassidy was already there. This girl had no morals._

_"Are you done ruining my life?" I ask, seriously fed up. On top of that, I was not going to be late to my first hour._

_Cassidy shrugs. "Well, it's a bit of a hobby."_

_I'm not a complete wuss, so I push her out of my way and open up my locker. She pulls out some sunglasses and tries them on. "How do I look?"_

_"Stupid." I respond. I'm guessing I provoked her because after that she threw them down and stepped on them, which really didn't affect me. Well, it was really sunny that day, so later on it kind of did, but not terribly._

_I didn't think anything of it after that. Everything seemed fine to me. Until at lunch, this girl kept scowling at me. It made me uncomfortable so I threw away my lunch, which was honestly just milk. I was too depressed to eat. More so from my rape rather than Cassidy's tormenting._

_When I sat back down, she sat at my table, still scowling. "Is something wrong with your face?"_

_She keeps doing, and I just choose not to look at her. Then this girl slips me a box of OraQuick. She whispers, "Free of charge in your case." In case you don't know what OraQuick is, it's an in-home HIV test. I get up to throw it away until Cassidy asks what's in my hand. I look around and toss it to her._

_"No thanks," she says. "You'll need it more than I will." I wonder if I'm the only one who noticed she just basically admitted that she needs it. She hesitates to give it back to me, but I don't take it anyways._

_Against all odds, I survive freshmen year._

* * *

I awaken from the flashback slash dream and check the time. It's not like I'm late for anything, but I rush to get dressed and comb my hair. My life is so boring. Is it wrong to say that I miss the tormenting? I mean, at least it gave me something to do and excitement in my life.

What drove me to the edge was that no one cared about me, so there was no reason for me to. I wasn't staying for anybody. What iced the cake was Kyle's triumphant return, trying to rekindle whatever he thinks we had that one night. Dilusional, he is. Wait. In a way, the dream wasn't particularly about Kyle. It was about my tormenting, or how and why people starting creating rumors about. The sucky part is I still don't know who Brian is.

For the first time in a little while, the store has business. A little girl's mom bought her a violin. I decided to save the money, but ended up counting all the rest of the money. It came around three thousand dollars, but it's not like I can buy a house with that money. Besides, if my life does continue until high school is over, I'll need some tuition money to get into MUNY, my dream school. Hopefully, that'll happen.

Later on, Austin comes. He's not exactly welcome. Leave it to him to shake up my day. I haven't had one bad thought today. Well, not a seriously bad thought.

He looks around and then approaches the piano. "You play?" he asks.

I clear my throat. "Um, I used to."

A look of disappointment spreads across his face and I wonder why. "Why'd you stop?" he asks.

I really don't know why. There was no point in it. An entire day of getting bullied and I go over and play the fucking piano? Yeah. No. I tried that in freshmen year and it calmed me down, but the bullying continued. The piano isn't my hero. Nothing is. I mean, look at me.

I'm seventeen and instead of hanging with friends, I'm in a music store that hardly has business with a guy who just got out of jail, and went because of me, and because of everything else, I was in a mental hospital. If I must go on, my entire life has been a joke with no punchline. The worst part is that I don't even know who is telling the joke, or if they're expecting people to laugh, or if it's me telling the joke. I've never been very funny. Well, not in my eyes.

That's when I realize he asked me a question. "Oh, um... I don't know. No point, I guess."

"There's always a point when it comes to music." he disagrees, and somehow I agree with him.

I shrug. "I guess you're right."

"Of course I am." I chuckle at his arrogance. Or was it just confidence? Is there a difference? He's both confident and arrogant, if you ask me.

I begin to think about the times I actually am right about something. That doesn't work out because then I start to think about the times I actually do things right, and that just brings horrid memories and regrets.

"I hear you write songs." he suddenly says.

That doesn't make any sense. "From who?"

He hesitates to respond and then starts to play, but stops, getting flustered. He's not the best at playing the piano. Says the girl who hasn't played in two years.

"I asked you a question."

Austin looks up from the keys, but not at me. At the door. I quickly turn to look, but no one's there. My blood had started rushing. What would be the big deal if someone was there? I'm sure I'm just afraid of everything, like my shrink said.

A shrink is a therapist, of which I had in the mental hospital. I don't think _my_ shrink was very good. I knew she was listening, but it didn't feel genuine considering she was getting paid to do it and saw thousands of people just like me everyday. I barely remember her name, and actually, when I think about it, she was _no _help. I'd be sad, she'd ask why, I'd say why, and she'd indirectly call me stupid.

"Hello, Ally."

"Uh, hi."

"How are you feeling?"

"A little gloomy."

"Why?"

"I'm seventeen and I'm in a mental hospital. I have no friends. My parents are dead. My rapist found me last month. Countless reasons."

"Do you know how to fix that gloominess?"

"No, that's why I'm seeing you."

"Listen, Ally. Sometimes it's our own misunderstanding or mistakes or incompetence that makes us gloomy. The way to fix that is to address your problems. That's exactly how molehills turn into mountains."

"So, you're calling me incompetent?"

"No, Ally, you're just lacking in success. You're being substandard."

She was using big words to basically insult me. Part of the reason I was seeing her was because I was being insulted and all she did was insult me more. I have to say though, I would have preferred Cassidy to call me vile or repugnant rather than ugly.

By now, I've forgotten that I asked Austin a question, and that he dodged it, but I decided to rest and reflect on my life. Which subsequently reminded me that I did have an appointment with my shrink at four. How exactly was I going to get there?

The light bulb just turned on.

Austin. The dude is rich. He has to have a car. He came to school everday driving a Harley-Davidson or Range Rover or Convertible.

"Hey, Austin, can you give me a ride?" I ask.

Here I am, expecting him to say yes, when he's obviously going to say no.

"Sure. Where?"

Wait, what?

"Um, this big building somewhere. I'll know it when I see it."

He takes a minute to think. "Okay. You wanna leave now?" he asks. It was around one and I figured I could get there early, especially since I didn't want to go, but was making myself.

My therapist, Dr. Karen Winbinger, was evil to me in so many ways. In fact, when I get there, I'm going to call her Karen.

I nod.

"Um, Ally, you might want to fix yourself up a bit. The public isn't a fan of... that." he says, pointing to me.

I can't beleive he had the audacity to say that.

Just kidding. I've just always wanted to use 'audacity' in a sentence. In fact, I had been waiting for him to say something about how I dress.

"Well, I don't have anything else to wear. And I can't find a brush anywhere."

I'm not even sure if he realizes that I'm a freaking peasant.

Yet, I drag my feet up the stairs and put my hair in a bun since it at least looks controllable and less tacky that way. I put my Beatles shirt on and then my gray sweatpants and green hoodie.

I go down the stairs. "It's not a Before and After transformation, but it'll have to do."

"Where are we going though?"

How do I say this in the least freakiest way possible?

"To see my shrink."

I had to say shrink to ease the weirdness, rather than therapist. I didn't expect Austin to even know what a 'shrink' was. Boy, was he full of surprises. Needless to say, he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Shrink? You mean a therapist?"

"Yes, Austin, a therapist."

He sighs, which I guess is his weird way of saying 'whatever'. We get in his car, which today is a convertible.

The entire drive is silence until I see a big building and tell him to stop. He parks and doesn't directly tell me to get out.

"Um, are you going to leave?"

I couldn't. As if there was a way to face my fears and get over the past. There was, and I hadn't exactly found it.

He seems to understand. "Just go in. What's the worst that could happen? I'll go in with you."

I accept the offer and walk inside with him. Much to my dismay and to his pleasure, hand in hand. I sign in and take a seat. The couple hours we spend waiting is actually interesting. We don't tell each other anything personal, but we definitely got to know each other.

Then, they called my name. I went into the shrink's office, with Austin walking close behind me.

"Ally, hello. Have you gotten yourself a boyfriend?" she asks.

I roll my eyes. "No."

"Oh, please. Take a seat." I find a couch and plop on it.

Austin whispers in my ear. "I think you've got it from here." Then he leaves. Well, that's just perfect.

"So, Ally, how are you feeling?"

Stupid. "Uh, actually, I'm a little lonely, Karen." That's true, but it's not really bothering me that much.

"Who was that boy?" she asks.

What was I supposed to say? Friend? Associate? Colleague?

"He's Austin. The one I told you about. Who, I guess, killed Kyle."

"Oh, is he? What is he doing out of jail?"

I wish I knew the answer to that.

"I don't know."

There's a bit of awkward silence after that, then as the shrink, she breaks it.

"Do you like him? I saw the way you looked at him."

"No. He's cool and all, but I think you know a boyfriend isn't on my agenda."

"Then what is?" she asks.

"What?"

"On your agenda?"

"Um, I don't know."

"How about you start making lists? Schedules, agendas. Keeping yourself busy can cure depression."

"Okay, I guess."

Silence again, but this time I break. "Would I even have a chance with Austin? I mean, after everything that happened? It's just a question out of curiosity."

"I don't know. But you could ask him when the time is right."

Finally, my shrink was listening and had _not _insulted me.

"However, he is quite handsome and your style hasn't updated at all."

And there it is.

She continued to see right through me and give me "advise".

"... and stop being such a pussy. That is where you're losing it."

"Whatever." I say. She glances at the clock.

"Times up. Get out of my office. I'll see you next week."

Well, she basically just threw me out. However, I'm quite happy to leave. When I walk into the waiting room, I see Cassidy, ready to walk in.

I always knew the bitch needed help. Nothing really happens. She just scowls at me and walks into Karen's office. She's just like I left her. _Bitter._

* * *

_**Sorry for the wait. Duty called. Tell me what you think? Sorry again! But I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Was it too short? Ugh, excuse my writing insecurity. Bye.**_


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